Dear Woman

Dear WOMAN, you are beautiful, pretty, smart, intelligent, worthy, sexy, sensual, spiritual, glorious within, capable, strong, stronger, amazing, outspoken, confident, creative, versatile, girlie, ladylike, a queen and a princess all in one. You are so much more! Love you. Be you. Be a woman. Be better each day. Be phenomenal. ‘Woman’-beautiful word and creation.  I am woman. I am a woman… -Sandra Nwadi

STRAIGHT UP WEDNESSDAY TALK

STRAIGHT UP WEDNESSDAY

Love is not NOT ONLY and NEVER when you ALONE in that relationship is fighting or pleading to keep it real and alive.
Some people will free you if you wanna be freed or if they end up fighting alone and sacrificing for love or for you!
You are not God. Love ought not be selfish, stubborn and once in a while, do bend a lil over, be empathic towards the other person and compromise.
If the person frees you because you want to be freed or stops fighting because you ain’t fighting along or the excessive burden too heavy for them, they are not bad or mean people and I will not condemn or judge them either.

Yes-Love is when you BOTH do all of the above even if one person seems to do more. Love ACTUALLY is so much more than what you and I know (if you believe anyway) and what even the men of God wrote down in the bible. Love is more than words, culture or religious words.

I listened to some familiars issues of people, things I’ve gone through and stories of other people in the past and till now, I still strongly maintain the above as my opinions and even the ones below:

A smart thing for a man in love or something like love who is not financially okay and is over 29-40 years to do is propose, when she accepts, marry your dream girl and dream-life partner and dream-mother of your future kids, you both work, plan to have kids a year or two or so later too and NOT immediately with nothing/savings on ground. (Money actually matters but it is not entirely the only thing in the relationship or marriage veins)

It happens successfully if strong-willed and it is possible!

Must she wait decades and centuries for you in a relationship to propose?
Must she actually become engaged for outrageously, stupid number of years or just forever before you both get married at your own time and terms. Crap!
Then, if she leaves or discusses it or marries another man, you abuse the woman as heartless or slut or call her desperate. Absolute bullshit! Madness.

If you are serious minded, flexible/versatile and less stubborn, change jobs if YOU CAN and see if there’d be more open doors and brighter future in doing so.
Keep striving. Be less stagnant, close minded and conservative. Be open minded.

Listen to you, listen to her, listen to others, listen to your soul and listen to God. Throw the rest of advice and choices if full of crap to the trash can but by all means, listen, meditate, make a choice and act on it.

Don’t go settling for LESS for the rest of your life and waking up with regrets or managing shit, covering it with a 500 watts smile each day and dying of cancerous pains of what you should have done or what you did wrong to cherished people in your life. Moaning, whining in wards or crying over spilt milk, juice and rum especially when you knew what you were doing.

The lady must also work too not just because she wishes to work but to kick off idle minds, independence, balance LIFE healthily or ease off the depressive burdens of slaving to clean, cook and cater for you and the kids all alone (possibly with no help from you or anyone either) and most especially, she works to take the pressure off the husband who is not financially okay while you both save for old age or future.

Do keep your ego in check and let her help.
In fact, trash that stupid male ego that weakens you and destroys your life and the life of your loved ones. It will pay for a woman to think along these lines of working and helping and doing so respectfully too rather than expect the man to financially do every SINGLE thing for her and kids forever.

Change your mind-set ladies. Be a real woman!

Again, while you both marry and work, ‘plan’ NOT to have kids (of course we love kids, don’t get it twisted) after a year or two rather than immediately after your wedding. Trust me, it helps. My suggestion worked for some people too! Might not work for everyone.
Forget what people will say and what your over domineering mother or in laws will say. Do the above rather than keeping her or loosing her or bringing in kids when not ready. Don’t be weak. Don’t be confused. Don’t procrastinate. Be bold and strong! Be a real man!
They ain’t the ones in the marriage and the world talks, blabs, gossips and talks about everyone including dead people who can’t defend themselves anyway! Talk is frigging cheap. Just do what’s right and conducive for you two!

Furthermore, if you are truly NOT ready to date or marry but yet pursue and profess care, love or something like it and yet, deep inside you know or have a slight feeling that you will still leave her, yet you have your heart laid for other women or it yearns for someone else, or solely in your work, in your ‘mother’/family and their ruling over you or you have your heart and head in some addiction or vices, LEAVE her alone.
Don’t date or court her or profess or promise bullshit. Don’t abuse her if she ends it either. Just leave her in the first place.

Go find your kind or remain single!

Entirely same goes for the women too if y’all think you are left out. Same goes for women acting confused or pressurised or lying and all that.
Karma exists!

Everyone’s got sense and brains but then, the heart and life can really be twisted by some and all of the above and then, messed up even for the smartest ones who thought they got life all figured out! Don’t complicate life of good or great people. Don’t murder their joys and peace.

I say these because of terrible stories in the past and present, shitty things happening to many people. The above is relatable even if it has never happened to you or close ones but just chew on it all. Y’all don’t know tomorrow.

*drops, pen and mic, catwalks away in studded stilettos glamorously.

MAY 10TH

May 10th. May10th.
No plans. None absolutely.
Loads to do, loads to accomplish.
I ignore the sighing pangs. I will not sigh.
May 10th. Blessed and glorious day; Will I be suprised?
Will I rock it and blow out a candle or more? Do I woo myself. Or pamper me? Maybe not.
Maybe yes; Yes. I will!
So many heart desires and plans unfulfilled. A certain hug Above. Riches. Love. Stuck. Chaos. Plans. Peace. Tears. Silence. Dreams. Emotions. Brilliance.
I think of the dead. I dream and miss them.
I miss them so much a great part of me is gone.
Gone, gone, gone.
Don’t preach. I work daily on me, to perfect what He made and shed the luggage. Baggage?
May 10th…May 10th. Not quite here.
That day; like a nudge, a wift, a reality click and a pinch, a sweet reminder to try to ignore life’s pains, griefs, down pour of disappoints
and most especially, to remember, I’m not yet taken.
I’m still here. Each day that day, I will still be here and reborn.
Maybe daily. Maybe in all months. May be in Mays.
Thankfully, I thank the heavens!

LEMONS AND VODKAS

Damn bastards and bullshitters.

Damn the blacks and blues. Damn crappy people in your life at different times and places.

Throw some heavenly, blinged out blessings to the great ones who’ve got values for you.

Swim on the on to the other side of non-toxic folks and situations.

Someday, it will all fall into place and it will truly be your own time of whatever.

I agree if you can; when life gives you lemons, find the real, great person/s whose life gave them Vodka and throw one hell of a party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then, go back and make life work…with real folks.

POSSIBILITIES OF EXCEPTIONS!

Do not believe or choose sides with someone simply because the person has been very good to everyone ‘you’ know including yourself or has a good title or status. It is very good to listen with the intent of analysing unbiased, understanding and finding solutions if there are any RATHER than with the intent to attack, reply or choose sides.

 

For instance, you cannot believe a lecturer/s are so amazingly great and INFALLIBLE simply because they are white (or perhaps in few cases, the only great blacks or Asians) and have been competent in their jobs, nice  and then when a single, peaceful , good student(or even a troublesome student) complains, you take sides and say the student might have got something wrong.

 

Will you still take SIDES when you realise that the student has called up everyone, complained to everyone more than twelve times and filed more than 4 reports to the tribunals, all HODs, appeals, VC and is ready to go to high or magistrate court with loads of documentary evidences and recordings of his or her complaints/ grievances of neglect, victimisation or unfairness. Will you? Will you still believe when you see that those reported to are baffled and on the student’s side? Will you?

Make your logical and analytical judgements in life situations and stand your grounds for the TRUTH. It surely pays even though there are risks.

 Or do you want to wait to see the student constantly cry, fall sick, grieve on  and finally physically or academically destroyed before you believe?

 

Humans love singing praises a lot WHEN dead and destroyed. Had -I-known is such a frigging , damn sucker anthem.

 

Love and help a fellow human (sibling, spouse, relative, neighbour, colleague, schoolmate, comrade, etc) when alive. Loud and clear again- when ALIVE.

Do you know you can actually be kind even if you find it impossible to ‘love’ or be extremely ‘nice’?

Again for those you value (and probably, who value you too), love and say it all. SAY how you feel and appreciate them when alive and at any chance you get. Hold no bars. Hold a few thoughts back at times. Yet, help and let those you appreciate know you love and care-my parents thought me that and you can’t contest that it is wrong to do so or unnecessary too. If you disagree, fine!

 

It is good to trust in good people and to trust in one another or those you like but you must know that sometimes, people change; gradually or quickly. You must remember that people are not flawless or infallible of mistakes.

 

A mistake is a mistake.

A crime is a crime.

A sadistic deed is as good as the two and equally worth checking of the doer’s mental health.

 Yes, the Nigerian system of education is quite down but it is not totally out. It is not all schools that are ruined or hopeless in Nigeria. It is not all lecturers that are hopeless, boring, lacking in teaching ability, principles and all. You must not stereotype and condemn every single one of them. At least, not until you travel around the world and see other places, observe and see that sometimes, shit also goes down outside your nation.

 

I always believe in EXCEPTIONS.

I speak from life experiences and from experiences of those other people in shoes that I do not even wear or have ever won.

 

 

Again, on issues of education, nations, professions, marriages, ethnicity, etc, don’t even stereotype until you research, investigate, study, work, live with, mix up with different tribes, people, in different countries , universities, companies (and even attend stuff in schools that you did not register in or companies you ain’t working in, just to observe).

It will pay to enrich and broaden your MIND!

 

When you observe with an unbiased mind and analyse, you too will see in the instance given that sometimes, the system of education, administration and lecturers in a few schools abroad like in UK are flawed and can break the heart into tiny, little pieces.

 

Really people, we do have some real good faculties in some of your own different nations and in my nation, Nigeria (Yea, yea, I know it’s sorta a huge mess with national issues, corruption and development-tell me about it). Don’t just cross everybody out in an institution, tribe or country.

Each nation’s got their OWN demons though some are much lesser!

 There are some real, amazing, principled, lecturers in Nigeria who will speak up for the truth, who will teach in such a way that you will remember certain topics forever. Yes, we have them in Nigeria and a few other countries.

Never say never. We may have issues and these exceptions may be 5%, 10% or 30 % or what ever you deem it fit but they do exist.

 

I speak to you to see truth in all aspects of life, to appreciate what you have, to make use of your senses in analysing issues and to make use of talents (even if you feel it’s useless or not money making) you have too. Everyone’s ‘GOT’ talents by the way, even if it’s just to smile and appear on a TV show/event to increase the show’s ratings, that could be your talent while for others it is to sing, talk, write, build, compile, counsel, coach, run, solve, defend, aid, organise,  etc.

 

That’s my Palm Sunday preachings for you. Do good deeds and act on it. That’s the best form of preaching too. That way, the quotes of your different religious books and values in life will apply.

 

Would you say you forgive and yet, take away what you’ve offered to someone initially especially when you disagreed on just honest values, corrections and principles?

People will wrong you and step on you but dear folks, FORGIVE and MOVE ON.

It will be hard and almost UNNATURAL to forget it all like one who has amnesia.

 However, forget it in such a way that you no longer bear grudges or anger but remember the lessons it thought you. 

Always remember those lessons. Absolutely necessary.

 

Do you NEED quotes and more preachings, you’d have got all that from your private reading, researches and today’s places of worship I believe.

Bless you all. Have a great week.

-Sandra Nwadi

CREDIT THE WRITERS YOU STEAL FROM!

Dear people, when you copy and paste, rewrite, write, print or publish anybody’s written works, original compositions or status or tweets, essays, poems, stories or just any write up, the GREATESTS thing you can do FOR YOURSELF and the world is to write the name of the ORIGINAL WRITER!

 

Give credit to the original writer. It does not matter that the writer is award- winning or not, known or unknown, highly place or not, a stranger or your sibling. None matters whatsoever; credit the original writer. These things when done or acknowledged show that YOU ARE a self-respecting, bold, dignified, reputable person with confidence and high esteem!!!

 

Don’t go the other way round and be so low. Don’t even try to be in that ‘pretentious or ignorant’ yacht. Get off it!!! I see people do these things online and off line and it doesn’t speak well of you to discredit the writer, fool the world and act as though the works online or on print are yours.

 

Some people have even disagreed with me when we discuss these things ignoring the fact that there exists not only self –respect on your part but intellectual property on the writers’ part and law suits or just disappointments/quarrels brewing when shit goes down.

 

This ain’t cool.

 

Learn! Change! Unlearn! Relearn!

 

Thanks y’all.

 

“THE TRUE DEFINITION OF A FAILED STATE” By DIKE CHUKWUMERIJE

“THE TRUE DEFINITION OF A FAILED STATE

I’ve read somewhere that the American Civil War did not begin as a War of Emancipation. The Federal Government was looking mainly to contain slavery in the South, prevent it from expanding into more states; and went to War principally to prevent the Southern slave owning states from leaving the Union as a result. But as casualties mounted, and it became clearer that the War was going to be long and drawn out, people began to wonder if the sacrifice was worth it. Were they taking such heavy losses just to ‘contain’ slavery in the South? If people were going to die in the hundreds of thousands, then, at least, it should be for something much bigger. Freedom. The definitive and conclusive re-statement of the defining character of the American nation: the belief that all men are equal before God. For that was something worth the horrendous price that Victory demanded.

Wars are won by people who cannot – no, who will not – lose; people fighting for something so highly valued they are willing to march into their own deaths. So, I ask- what are we fighting for? Because, do not be deceived, we are in middle of a fight. Maiduguri is burning. Jos is restive. The Niger Delta is enjoying a false peace, underwritten by an unsustainable amnesty. Our people (and by that I mean Nigerians) are being killed everyday, all over this country, by others with their own ideas of what kind of country this should be. And I ask again- why are we dying? What are we fighting for? Just to ‘contain’ Boko Haram in Maiduguri? To rescue a few foreign hostages? To redeem our ‘image’ in the eyes of the ‘international community’? To allow thousands of internally displaced people to return to their ‘normal’ lives? What are we fighting for?

Maybe, we think this conflict will just go away. Militants will hand in their weapons and we will live happily ever after. Boko Haram will suffer a crisis of conscience and turn from their wicked ways. The Army will strangle Maiduguri to death and the monster will vanish into thin air. Then we can get back to how we were. But how were we? How are we? Who are we? A nation of contradictions.­ Does oil belong to the Nigerian people or does it belong to the South-South? Is this a secular nation or not? Shall the Nigerian ‘citizen’ exist only in the Constitution but everywhere else be in chains, openly discriminated against and oppressed by clannish ‘Indigenes’? These are the questions that go to the heart of our nation. These are the questions that expose our actual fragilities. These are our fault-lines.

What we had before was not ‘peace’; it was repression. And what we have now is not an anomaly; it is the logical outcome of deeply rooted socio-political­ contradictions.­ In the formative years of any nation, when its identity, character and core values are still being vigorously contested, the question is not whether people will die, but what they will die for; whether they will die in retreat before advancing terror, in bewilderment at the rapid disintegration of all they had known, in horror at the utter cruelty of flourishing sectarianism, or whether they will die sinking down enduring foundations for a more durable union.

I do not believe this conflict is a mindless one. The idea of Nigeria- a nation united in diversity- is being contested. To win, we must be fighting, not just against something, but for something. Someone needs to tell us that this fight is to build a nation where man in all his complex diversity can flourish; that any point of view that will not allow him to do so will be resisted with everything we have; that we will give in, bend, negotiate on any point but this one: Nigeria will be one nation; its resources will belong to all; and its citizens will enjoy equal rights under one Constitution. Now, let us go to War with those who disagree.

This is the only task against which effective leadership can be measured in modern Nigeria. Not sitting around a table every Wednesday approving contracts. Not meeting in cushioned chambers three times a week debating moral dilemmas. Not sitting in learned judgment over petty squabbles. If the ruling class cannot realize that the only answer to the conflicts tormenting this nation today is the clear, unequivocal and unqualified affirmation of One Nigeria, then we are doomed; because if no one will fight for everyone, then everyone will, sooner or latter, fight for himself. And that is the true definition of a failed state.”

~ Dike Chukwumerije