I know so many people out there have gone through all these issues discussed or know somebody who has and it’s really nobody’s particular issue.
Sometimes in life, women usually know when a man’s right for them or when he’s not right. So do the the men too. Perhaps, at the beginning or somewhere in the middle of it all. Sometimes, they dont. Sometimes, women know when he’s just a little bit half way up there or when he’s in love with you or not, his future, his hopeful or hopeless future, with his job, his family, his uncertainties about life or just with another woman. Yet, the urge to try positively for success with the man or woman keeps the hold on love or something like it.
At other complicated hurful times, when things go bad and the two parties are unable to reconcile no matter how hard they try or how little they try, the woman sometimes just knows it is time to stop trying, break away or move on. A big, mad, dramatic quarrel doesn’t always have to happen first. The man/men also knows when to do same too. I love it when men also know and would not stand being toyed with in life and even if they stand, they wont let it go on for ever. I love it much more when a woman knows when to put a stop to being toyed with too or just leting go.
It may be quite easy to know especially when it’s not the fault of the two parties as they may have tried so hard to build and keep a relationship or perhaps, not tried at all. So the woman knows her worth and ‘crudely’ embraces singlehood or ‘happily’ embraces singlehood and freedom, moves on and quits ‘bothering’ (being in a relationship or communicating) the man or the relationship and ignoring the painful plans made and paid for with time, heart, soul, money, etc. Other things that play out, further actions taken, communication that happen afterwards are just part of ‘closure’ from her or the man, pain, healing, regrets, good memories, bad memories and equally satisfaction from having actually tried and knowing her best was put in to it. Ah, now I got some of you ladies and gentlemen; you’ve experience this or know those who have.
Sometimes, we see stuff happen to men and women or hear them speak or you see it happen to you. Nothing is impossible. Sure instincts come along in a relationship that it was time to move on and quit bothering the man, woman or the relationship. For me instincts works in different aspects of life as much as it does for some others. From childhood I had been instilled with high self-worth from my parents, my experiences, the people I knew and most of all, my own general principles in life found its way often flipping the reality check in my ear. For some others it is same or it is just that they make use of their instincts, premonitions and quick perceptions in life.
How disheartening it is when real communication is reduced or even cut off without explanation as most cowards and jerks often do notwithstnding that they may have loved or cared for you deeply or the fact that there were real plans to explore and catch up, real laid up and paid up plans. This tactics of no communication or reduced communication is age old and equally low. It works for some men and women although they may have been offered opportunities in the past to let go and yet, being only able to do so using the tactics at their own time undeservingly towards the partner is what works for some.
A real woman would not beg or stand attitudes and reasons like this after trying so hard and building a relationship based on honesty,communication and being able to free one another without distrust, undeserving treatment, lies.
It is very good to fight for love or something that looks like love, care, friendship or whatever it is people may have in their relationship or even marriage but then, it is useless fighting when you are the only one and the other party is convinced about about his or her dire need of freedom.
For me, if found in such cases, I would embraced freedom and singlehood. Nothing should ever be forced. It will hurt badly for like eternity but don’t fight for one who can live without you, one who’s sad being in bondage and wishes to be free of you or love another.
Bomerangs aint good in the long run too if you hold on too long. Every other thing that comes afterwards, like the other partner finally being able to say he/she was not capable of making a woman/man happy or go to the next level or wanted to be free would just simply be part of a process and closure. This should be embraced with good wishes and no mad, vengeful feelings.
Quite hard for most though. After all, what does one gain from letting ex-partners, colleagues, girlfriends , relatives, neigbours, etc live rent free on us because we hold a grudge or curse them. This does not work for me. Does it work for you?
Good wishes and letting go absolutely works for some people and bearing in mind that God or life in itself will let things happen to people either as good or bad just as karma, as heart desires or destinies are equally existent. Either ways, we have no choice but live and move on with an open mind. Free people and forgive their hurting you. You are superior and stronger for doing so. Forgive and mean it even if the memories and wrongs break you. I know what some of you are thinking including those who asked I write this.
It is very easy to say or write about it all ; ask to move on or forgive than to act on it but folks need to do the necessary no matter how long it takes to recover. Move on.
What if they come back? You think she will or he will? So what’s taken them so long and why are you reading on?
Well, I believe in second chances and third too. If it is worth it and they are, well, maybe you can start all over if they are back.
Don’t wait though. Move on and be happy. They most probably wont be back.
There will probably be another person for them even when they tell you they need space. That’s life. Be strong. They aint down like you. No one is indespensible. Not even you the wronged and hurt one.
It is a real relief to let go (the pain you as a guy or woman feel within notwithstanding) and to be free, to let the other side move on and while in clear terms, declaring that both parties free. Some others I know say same too. It is a reality and people ought to see and digest it too even if it is all encased in absolute gruelling pain that was inexplicable.
Then, there are good friends, normal ones, loyal ones, the ones who don’t care or the ones who are unreal and negative even with the best reasons. ‘Friends’ is fast becoming an abused word too. Negative friends who would either spread stories about what is going on or those who suddenly become unbelievably unresponsive (perhaps, because they want to stay safe from ill treatment or do not like the choice, culture, social status, etc of a date) and never speak when asked questions can be way saddening or a real good slap on the face is felt when this is unexpected. This act portrayed for their personal unknown reasons from the start, somewhere in the middle or end of their close friend’s relationship comes to the mind of people in certain painful times or way after the pain has gone.
This too shall pass. Just keep reading on and make a promise to work on you.
No need to leave comments here either. Leave it within you and work on you. Or help someone do.
What I’d say to anyone is that people are different and should best be understood as individually different as a rule(helps make co-existence better) and then whether a relationship worked out or not, these friends are not worthy either on the part of integrity, attitude, meanness and friendship.
What really is friendship? A revisitation of this topic on another day.
As much as one would think of these type of friends, the better to quickly forget them. Forgetting doesn’t mean one is quarrelsome, holds a grudge or mean as some would be quick to think. Reach out to them when they need you but don’t go grovelling for friendship and being so nice to be hit back in the face. You may just be the ultimate nuisance. Don’t push things even if you are so kind hearted. Learn about unspoken words of others and how they react to you or do not reciprocate. It is just self respect I believe. Still keep an open mind for friendships new or renewed.
Forgetting… more like being also ‘unresponsive’ to their existence and putting the friendship in the reality camp at the back burner without actually having to cut any one off. No, don’t keep malice. Call once in a while or not but love your distance. Love you. Save some of you.Some men told me of their woes with their friends who turned disloyal and left them in times of need like job issues, broken marriages or relationships, grieving for dead loveds ones, etc. A call, visit, advice or encouragement becomes rare like diamond. It did also sound like woes women usually go through with their female friends too.Would one even rate them as real friends even if they were part of your childhood or relatives. Your guess is as good as mine.
Sometimes, we have an idea of what friends are capable of in future or more than just an idea. It is true that sometimes, opinions are thrown back in the faces of friends or relatives where relationship is concerned. I’ve had discussions with people and some are as open minded as I am. I have never been one of those people who are constantly angry over other people’s opinions. I mean it could get one pissed once in a while in life but it may also be some sort of reality checks and reminders too.
So if people feared their opinions towards you and were negative, their being an ass or unreal friends should not be your loss. People come and go. No friendship is indespensible too. It should never be if you are out there and have also had people like these. Letting friends like these go and not ‘bother’ them also makes sense. Perhaps, meeting them once in a while if need be or at events and on social networks. This works for me. We learn everyday from all people and situations. I hear people complain about their sad friendships and I do feel for them.
It is better to hold on tight and embrace friends who speak their minds (whether in support or in doubt about your relationship or any issue) at certain few occasions either by ways of supporting as they wondered genuinely if I was happy to choose the relationship in the beginning and their worries. You do not have to like their opinions but atleast, friends in this case understand and respect one another and then, there really is communication. From other people’s experiences, they did same too and found comfort amongst the good friends.
In the course of a relationship, there maybe ups and downs and perhaps, several reasons for one to have wanted to end a relationship or when one dates or courts, you chew on a lot of things and reflect. For instance, I remember my mum’s voice in mutual conversations; he doesn’t love you …see why… Look at all that is happening…take a step back and move on. My father’s words all through my life rings in my head too and so does my siblings. The truth is, in very few and great families, Parents are usually and always right about principles and happenings or the future. Same with my family. They are just like some spirits. Some gifted wizards. We should listen to our parents if we are able to even discuss our woes, worries and pains with them in the first place.
My parents words will always be more than gold’s worth. I’m sure there were times in your lives you realise and bless your parents for being right too about a relationship, business, friends, etc. We can listen and remind ourselves of their words of advice and only hope we do things right in life.
The song, ‘when a man loves a woman comes to mind and even when one cannot call the feeling that is felt,’ love’, the ability to be fond of the other person and never want to let go for the rest of one’s life is inexplicably inspiring and I know people who felt like that, were/are in marriages or relationships like that. I talk to people and I’m inspired. Sometimes, I’m glad I’ve helped them heal or helped them mend what’s broken.
You see, people and life may have broken and ruined you but just believe in love and in goodness. The existence. Even if it doesn’t happen often or ever to you.
I’ve no doubt, I strongly believe in love, something like it and in goodness.
Okay,for really, I strongly believe in true love. It stands always.
Some people or relationships are there to show one that you are capable of good and great things in your life even if it does not work out! Sometimes, these relationships are a great reminder that one was able to stand up and fight for a person not withstanding family values, status, culture, health, social status, character and weighing in the past the good and bad both at present and what it may be in future and yet, being able to stay as a whole hearted choice of a strong woman. Sometimes, they are a step to a better one or a step that leads to a door of the best relationship or marriage.
These sadly ended relationships are there for some unknown or known, unnecessary stupid reasons to show us the meaning of pain and horrid lessons in life even when we have equally had much more than our fair share of pains and tragedies. Or show us that we settled for less or made the wrong choices and share the blame too. It could be that they are there as stepping stones to meeting new people or to more open doors. Perhaps, they are there as part, just one part of some sort of unknown named process in the further moulding of a strong, blessed and great person that one would become!
Sadly enough, some women (yes women) just do not know when to stop trying whether in normal girlfriends friendship or with their boyfriends or lovers. Sometimes, the writings are on the wall and sometimes, they do not embrace the truths of feelings and fears if at all expressed my their men or men’s friends or family. Some women just know that a man is never ever ready to love them, stick with them and amongst those who wish to be married in the end, they know they would not be walking down the aisle with their man and that even if they do, it was not for real. Yet, they do not mind staying back in the relationship as a girlfriend or actually being married at the end of the day to a lie, no love, no care or even violence that may or may not end with children or not.
A woman usually knows just like some men do too when they are not ‘loved enough’ or if it is not love or ‘something like love’, not cared for enough but yet only few strong women quit ‘bothering/staying in the relationship, move on, embrace freedom, break ups, freeing themselves and the other partner even if they feel terrible pains or just blank feelings.
Yet, it is a sorry world that with all these happenings and realisations, there are those who would live in denial for the rest of their lives and not embrace the truths. It is safer for them I guess. There are those who would wait till the very end and much older times in life to let go even though they had always known that the togetherness was a lie. It is a sorry world were people, men or women really fear to be alone and would do anything to hold on to the threads of a sad realtionship which may actually be badluck for them. It all screams lack of self esteem and self worth!
If it is not working, letting go is just the best especially if you have tried all your best or a partner wants to be freed badly. These weak attributes or rather, traits when seen in especially my fellow women hurts and no matter how you want to shake these people up, these are traits that might just not be wiped off or wished away in the world. I do wish though. Sometimes, a broken relationship or marriage maybe a blessing in disguise. You might have been saved from future horrors and badluck. Stay positive for more lucks and favours. Let destinies and changed destinies find you. Think and dream about it!
The world gets sorrier each day but yet it is also beautiful and good out there. It is great to know there are strong, striving women with good or bad stories and of course the men too. They may have been broken and tested in life but they rise from it.
I am a strong woman too.
Tell yourself you’re a strong person and amazing one.
Think, get up, rise up from where you are and be a strong man or woman. Risa above it all.
To each and their own; luck, favour and destiny leads on and a change will always be waitng.
Good ones at least.